Let me tell you about my peculiar day

Stayed up til late doing the above homework for my training course - which is fun by the way - I get to postpone my classes for the whole week (which is something you can get fired for if you do without permission here - I find that rather amusing, because back in our days lecturers canceled classes with all glory..) - and the trainer is really cool. It's the first official (validated) training I've received in my one year here. only one year, really?

Well anyway, after the hard work - the trainer didn't ask for the assignment. :(

At lunch, suddenly the L-girl joined us uninvited again.. and she spent the whole time there hanging back like a guy would... and was talking to someone on her phone about some meeting... like, seriously? Then she up and left. After lunch, she pulled C aside and they went for a ciggie break, leaving me to walk back to the office alone. How high school~

Anyway after training, I had this sudden urge to pack up and leave at 6pm on the dot, even though I had more homework to do... but I delayed it... wrong move! A superior dropped a stack of papers for me to proofread. Hahaha. If only I had just left.

At 6.30pm, the exit into SK gets a little crowded, like few kilometres crowded.. and it's easy to miss getting into the queue (especially if you're very polite and don't like cutting queues.. which I'm not by the way..) and somehow today I felt polite and just couldn't get myself to cut the queue and just drove straight... when I realized there's no u-turn before the Puchong toll... and realized I only had RM5 in my purse.. hahaha. So I decided to drive straight to Shah Alam. I was already past one of the tolls, I might as well go the whole way to meet M... right?

Wrong.. tried calling him for one hour since I missed the exit, and he didn't answer. Was getting all anxious until I reached his house to check if he was back (which he was not, and I knew that) because he was at his friend's place... a place which I don't actually remember the way... haha... so I made rounds in Sect. 8, my old home.. 51 Jalan Liku 8/1 - :D - my childhood house where I used to pass love notes through the balcony grill to the next door neighbour (cheesy tak?) and to find out - just as that young love was blooming - that we were moving, to the farthest state possible. Why not just move to a different country and get it over with - I had thought as a child, haha.

Eh, lari topic da.

Anyway, I was just past the surau tempat mengaji / semayang terawikh (pegi naik beskal ok) when M called, and finally we met up at McD and went to makan tomyam (totally irrelevant)..

Around 9pm I head back using Federal, and gosh there are so many exits from that Shah Alam exit until that Sunway exit.. I don't know what happened but I went onto this ramp that actually was not Sunway exit, then there was a u-turn, I was relieved, but then there was kinda like a fork road so I used the beforesaid 'instinct' and took the left.. which actually brought me back onto the Federal as I wanted to be...

but in the opposite direction.

Yes. I was heading back to Shah Alam.

Here was when I realized the iPhone is hard to type sms-es on while driving (I want a google-voice activated app for smsing!). Hence the call for help to M. He guided me somewhat towards Subang Jaya - Sunway Pyramid and kinda got an epiphany as well when I somehow just emerged next to SS15. :) Good ol SS15!

Ah, and just before the Sunway toll, I realized that my driving license expires today. Hope there are no traffic policemen reading this blog. If there is, well, hello Sir.. I have loads of single young girlfriends.

Finally home sweet home, nothing worser can happen right? Think again. I left my training folder in the car after I'm cosily in my pyjamas.. and dear Mama texts me to ask if I've renewed my driving license.. hahaha!

Well, that's my peculiar day.

Oh, and since our trainer is teaching us to look at things from another perspective, my perspective is this: my day was good because I didn't bump any of my body parts into any hard / sharp surfaces today.

Cheers. Looking forward to the events lined up with the girls this week / next week.

*bumps her kneee on the corner of the bed*

Of leaving and jetplanes

An afternoon by the lake. If only it were Melbourne - so Emy and I keep saying to ourselves!

I hate when people leave me. On cars, on planes. But it's always okay if I'm the one leaving.

My best pal H who sat behind me for two months has now left for a reality show - me and the housemate plan on getting Astro now just for Star World, for when the show starts. He's been such an inspiration, I think I might just start working on that book I've left behind...

People are still unhappy around me, and I am unhappy as well.

Doesn't help that there's this very irritating Lesbian person - L, we called her - who thinks she's a dude who keeps hanging around us all the time. The fact that she keeps hanging around us is the most irritating part. I feel like screaming - I am not your friend! Just because you're someone's daughter doesn't give you the right to barge right into our lives. But I can't blame her, some people tolerate her. I used to run away with H whenever L came around. I never knew I would turn out to be a lesbophobic. I never had problems with gays... (well, unless they're hitting on my man, of course).

R was confused if not jealoous. Why am I so sad that H is gone - and why did I need to cry? Maybe he didn't understand that we had a connection. He was a real friend. Always there.

Sigh, I hate people leaving. M is leaving, soon too. Thankfully, not into a reality show and at least I know - roughly - when he will be back. And a Penang trip is in order! Island beaches and waterfalls - yes please. A vacation is what we need..

I really want to hold on to my heart. Not let it break into pieces everytime the people leave.

But a girl can stand so many goodbyes...

A Touch of Reality

Lov,

It was our 1st year anniversary yesterday. So nothing to compare with S and her T, having known each other since forever and who might have too many types of anniversaries to remember anyway...

So, here I am. Telling you what I feel.

I have so many things to talk about to you, but you're so damn busy at this very moment. Always rushing to your friend's place to study, then to class, and back again. When you're not busy you're just tired, sleepy, hungry or too pissed to talk.

Don't know when the last time we really talked was. I'd had to cry, throw a little tantrum to get your attention, to get you to talk to me, to listen to how I really feel. Because, well, if you don't know already, I'm not one to strike up a conversation unless provoked. In this case, my overwhelming emotions provoke me, and usually it's after everything is too late.

I don't think you get it though, sometimes. How hard it is. You could just up and leave, anytime, you could patch it up, you'd still have time. In fact you have all the time in the world to follow your dreams, follow your heart, follow destiny. What about me? Call me insecure, old-fashioned, morbid, even.

What if we didn't make it? What if you can't fulfill your promises? What if fate bites us in the ass and the consequences are too painful to bear alone? I've been left alone far too many times, it just rips me apart, rips me to pieces and shreds me after. Do you get that? What happens to me?

We have similar priorities; but the unfortunate gap causes troubles in the real world, baby. It caused problems in Neverland, Forks, and who knows how many fantasy / reality worlds else.

It just feels far away.

Most of the times, I feel we'll make it.

Other times, times like tonight - it just feels too much to hope for.

Hello world

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I`m young
For speaking out of turn
There`s someone I`ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They`re in their own place trying to make it right
But I`m tired of justifying

I've broken my own high score in Bejeweled Blitz, fed my customers in Cafe World, planned for tomorrow and yet, I'm missing him.

Dear mind, tell the heart to be strong.

Maybe yes, Maybe no.

I realized I don't have a long term plan. I don't know what I'll be doing today, in two year's time. I go with the flow, and refuse to think of the future. Although sometimes I do, and that's when things go downhill..

Like when the superior asks how long I'm gonna stick around (in the current job, that is), I know it's not going to be long, then again I don't know if it's gonna be that short either.

Sometimes when it really gets hard I start looking for other places to go. Then it sizzles down and I'm staying on a while longer. It does sound like an unsuccessful relationship, doesn't it?

They're thinking of promoting me. I haven't got the official word yet, but by the end of the semester we'll know. He sent the girlfriend to conduct a 'recee' session on me; to investigate if I would be leaving in the near future. Honestly, I don't know.

I swore I wouldn't be in that position. But to be recognized is a good thing. And the current pay is good enough as it is. Something I won't be able to get if I start anew in the industry...

And I don't know what my plans are. That's why when mama asks, she gets stressed and I get stressed, cos I really don't know.

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me.

That Pink song is really haunting.

Especially in the sense that my inner self relates to it so awfully much.

First day back in my empty apartment, I already feel insecure, lost.

Please, don't leave me.

Raya 2009...

Me with Anas and Bangchik Hafiz. Anas used to cry a lot, chasing me and Bangchik around the house because we didn't want to play with him. Now, he's taller than both of us..haha.

Ten things I learnt this raya:

1. Family doesn't always mean accepting you as you are, it sometimes means you need to turn a deaf ear. Especially when talking about marriage, your younger boyfriend, their tarnished expectations, or the sister-in-law that only likes Panasonic air-conditioners?

2. I stop eating - or eat less - when I'm happy.

3. People don't like being exposed to people we hardly know.

4. Do not attempt at servicing your car at Perodua without an appointment. Even in Perlis.

5. Up to date, every cousin close to me has called me fat, which explains why I have trouble getting into my Melbourne jeans. Which were size 29 anyway. And, some cousins grow apart as we grow older, but then again when we grow close, we grow REALLY closer.

6. In regards to number 5, I need to live in Melbourne to shed 5kgs.

7. I'm irritated by superiors who send pointless motivational SMS-es during the weekends, non-office hours, midnights, and especially in the midst of the Raya holidays.

8. I'm irritated at how I don't know how to deal with number 7. At the moment I just get irritated for a second or two, grumble, and move on.

9. In the distant future, I'm scared I wouldn't be able to maintain the culture of going to distant relatives' places that I don't know unless Mama and Abah were with me.

10. I haven't gotten enough of the holiday, I don't want to go home, I love Perlis, and I just DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT PLACE! XD